


The Ones Who Dream

by whatlighttasteslike (waitingforeleven)



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Actors, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Hollywood, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Dancing and Singing, Daydreaming, Drama & Romance, F/M, Falling In Love, First Dates, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hollywood, Kissing, La La Land AU, Music, Musicians, Romance, Singing, Slow Dancing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-30
Updated: 2017-10-23
Packaged: 2018-12-09 00:54:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11658243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/waitingforeleven/pseuds/whatlighttasteslike
Summary: Fitz is a jazz pianist hung up on keeping old traditions alive. Jemma wants to make it as an actress in Los Angeles, but wonders if all the pain along the way is worth it. When their paths cross unexpectedly, they’ll form a connection that will inspire them to strive for their dreams.A FitzSimmons La La Land AU





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [leopoldjamesfitz](https://archiveofourown.org/users/leopoldjamesfitz/gifts), [burstingin2life](https://archiveofourown.org/users/burstingin2life/gifts), [jewishfitz](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jewishfitz/gifts).



> Written for leopoldjamesfitzs, jewishfitz, and agent-hayley on Tumblr, who all requested FS + I think you're beautiful. This was originally going to be a drabble, but I couldn't get this idea out of my head, so it became a full length fic! 
> 
> This is short La La Land AU, so naturally, it will probably make a lot more sense if you’ve seen the film. HOWEVER, I definitely changed a lot of the plot to fit more with FS (and to give them a more suitable ending). Fitz is also not like Sebastian (i.e. Fitz is never an asshole), so you don’t have to worry about that. With that in mind, minor spoilers for the film (and any lines pulled from the film are obviously not mine). 
> 
> This is written in four parts - each chapter follows FitzSimmons through four different seasons of their love story. The chapter titles are from a lyric from the song _City of Stars_. 
> 
> Enjoy!

**i. a rush**

 

When the music ended and the small audience began to applaud, Jemma wanted to melt to the floor. Her performance wasn’t necessarily a disaster by any means, but it wasn’t spectacular, especially since her boyfriend didn’t even seem to notice. Milton stood in the back by the bar, chatting up an actress Jemma remembered distinctly from the last party they attended together in the Hollywood Hills. He couldn’t keep his eyes off this woman that night, so it made sense he would give all of his attention to her now. It wasn’t until the clapping filled the air that he turned toward the stage, giving Jemma an enthusiastic thumbs-up even though he clearly wasn’t paying any attention to her performance.

She still couldn’t decide if she liked the song or not. If she wanted her next audition to be a success, she needed all the practice she could get. But at this rate, she didn’t have much confidence. She didn’t consider herself a singer by any means, but she thought the song was an emotional choice that would show off her range. It apparently wasn’t emotional enough to summon the attention of her so-called boyfriend. Milton was a writer, and yes, he said he would write her a role one day, but that was honestly the last thing she wanted. And he clearly had his sights set on a different sort of actress.

Jemma bit her lip and nodded in his direction, barely acknowledging him before slumping off the makeshift stage in search of a strong drink. But something stopped her out of the corner of her eye, so she turned to find its source. A man was watching her closely – not in a strange manner but simply a curious one.

She remembered he played keys for the act before her – some actor trying to win over the crowd with a somber rendition of a Michael Bublé hit. This man at the piano was seemingly uninterested in the guy’s performance altogether, but he was probably just doing it for the money. At the beginning, when something was wrong with the actor’s microphone, the man started to play his own piece of music to pass the time – [a somber melody](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bCYeaH-lZH8) Jemma didn’t recognize. It nearly knocked the breath out of her; it was so captivating. It rose and fell with a particular melancholy that gave her chills. But the song was unfortunately cut short when the actor cleared his throat to continue on with the original act.

With his clear lack of enthusiasm in playing the Bublé number, Jemma was surprised the man even stuck around for her own performance, which was why it was so puzzling to see him standing at the far side of the room, seemingly transfixed by something he just witnessed.

Jemma swallowed hard. She knew it couldn’t have been her singing that brought him to such a state. Nevertheless, when she looked in his direction, his eyes seemed to widen as if caught in the act. She looked down at herself, trying to subtly ask if he was looking at her in particular. When she looked back up to see a soft smile on his face, she couldn’t help but return it with one of her own. He seemed a bit embarrassed, reaching up to scratch the back of his head, and Jemma suddenly felt the urge to get to know this person – this strange person who would probably rather be anywhere but in this club on a Friday night.

Shifting her eyes back to the bar, she noticed Milton had found himself at a table with a larger group, most likely discussing his forever work-in-progress of a screenplay. The actress he was chatting up perched at his shoulder, listening intently. With a huff, Jemma returned her eyes to the man, the quite _handsome_ man, on the other side of the room. Suddenly, a rush washed over her, and a split-second decision turned to making a bee line for him, pushing past patrons in the crowd without breaking eye contact with him. His eyes widened when he realized she was approaching him so intensely, and she didn’t pause to think about how she must look at this moment – a wild woman clearly on a mission.

When she finally made it over to him and was mere inches from his face, she paused to catch her breath before giving him a wider smile. “Hi.”

“Hi,” he said, chuckling lightly as he looked down at his feet. He was shorter than she expected, as she was unable to tell from the stage, and she instantly noticed a slight awkward nature to him that she found utterly endearing. His eyes were a striking blue, and his simple button down and jacket were refreshing to see amongst the other overdressed men in the room.

“I uh… I just heard you sing,” he said as he gestured toward the stage. “And I wanted to tell you—”

But he couldn’t finish his sentence because her lips were already pressed to his, and the world began to spin. The dark chaotic club suddenly became a soft oasis of just the two of them, and Jemma felt her stomach flutter as she breathed him in. She didn’t think about the onlookers or the possibility of Milton throwing a fit at the sight of her kissing another man and ultimately causing a scene. Instead, it seemed as if the entire world around them effortlessly drifted away, leaving two strangers kissing for what felt like a lifetime. In this moment, all she thought about were the bright blue eyes that caught her attention just moments ago, the way his lips seem to fit so perfectly against hers, and the melody now filling her head that would never cease to escape her memory for many years to come.

But then she blinked and discovered the dreamlike moment was only happening inside her head. In reality, she was still standing a few inches away from him as he stared at her with a strange look on his face, and she soon realized he was _not_ kissing her. He was, instead, asking her a question.

“Sorry?” she asked after clearing her throat, willing the image away from her mind.

“Did I lose you already?” He chuckled softly and bit his lip. “I’m kidding. I just asked if you wrote the song yourself.”

“Oh! Well, yes. But it’s not that great or anything.”

“I thought it was nice.”

His eyes grew softer, and she thought if she looked into them long enough, she might drown. When he shifted his eyes down, as if he were looking at her lips, she cleared her throat again and straightened up.  

“Well, I should be getting back to…” she trailed off to look in the direction of Milton, who seemed to be enjoying his night without her.

The man followed her line of sight and gave her a single nod. “Looks like a good time,” he said, his face falling slightly. “Maybe I’ll see you around.”

“Yeah. Maybe.”

In an instant he was gone, and for a moment she thought she imagined him entirely, just as she had imagined what it would be like to kiss him in a fury – a complete stranger, yet someone in the crowd that seemed to see her for who she truly was.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**ii. a glance**

 

It wasn’t until they ran into each other for a third time that they agreed to go on a proper date.

She found him once at a pool party where he congratulated her for finally breaking it off with her pathetic excuse of a boyfriend. That evening, he walked her back to her car as the sun began to set and the sky transformed into a soft blur of pinks and purples. Reaching the top of the hill on their way to find her car, they took in the beauty together, the sight something out of a dream. But as the night stopped there, it was truly a waste of a lovely night, and yet still a moment to remember. Before they went their separate ways, they teased each other that it would never work out between them, that clearly the chemistry just wasn’t there, which was a shame. But clearly, they both knew that wasn’t true.

Another time, he surprised her by stopping by her job on the studio lot. She worked as a barista at the coffee shop: her true form of income. As they walked among movie sets, they talked of her childhood dreams of becoming an actress and his love of jazz music. And when she muttered that she wasn’t quite a fan, he immediately took her to the closest jazz club and let her experience the magic behind the music for the first time. As they listened to the musicians performing with passion and ease, Jemma looked on in complete awe, her eyes glowing in wonder. Once the song ended and she turned to find Fitz looking at her with soft eyes, they both came to the realization that this thing between them was maybe something more than they had anticipated, and a proper date was in order.

Jemma was thrilled, needing a distraction after the disaster of an audition. This time, the casting director cut her off after a single line of dialogue, the bastard. But she didn’t lose hope, knowing the right opportunity was right around the corner. And that night, she had a date with Leopold Fitz, which was exactly what she needed to lift her spirits.

A classic movie date seemed like the perfect introduction to their blissful romance, so they met at the Rialto to watch a classic: _Rebel Without a Cause_. Jemma embarrassingly admitted she had never seen the film, so Fitz rather excitedly jumped on the opportunity to take her out. His sweet enthusiasm made her heart swell.

With a subtle nervous energy brewing between the two of them, they walked side by side to their seats. Throughout the first half of the film, Jemma tried her best to focus on the screen, but she kept finding herself stealing glances to see if Fitz was watching her. Oftentimes, he wasn’t, intently watching the movie, but once, she caught him watching her with a sweet expression on his face, and she let out a soft giggle. When he joined in, a couple shushed behind them in the dark theater, so they sunk down into their seats feeling like mischievous teenagers.

Earlier before their date officially began, they swapped stories of their lives back home – his less than supportive father and his true reason for leaving home and her doting parents who were proud of her regardless of whether she landed any roles or not. Jemma had gone on plenty of dates once she moved to the States and even found herself in a few relationships, but nothing could compare to what she currently felt with Fitz. He was clumsy and awkward, but so incredibly kind, and he seemed to genuinely want to know her, not just what her aspirations were in LA. She thought it was bizarre how well they fit together: two strangers from across the pond that happened to find each other in this crazy town. A pair of dreamers hoping for a better life. She was English; he was Scottish – a couple of fish out of water among the sun-kissed residents of the city of stars. But somehow, they found each other.

In the dark theater, Fitz’s fingers slowly curled around hers until their hands were eventually intertwined, and Jemma began to lean her head onto his shoulder. The soft [melody](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gk8C7ZxsJCU) he played the first night they met suddenly ran through her mind, and it wasn’t long before he turned his head and began leaning in, just inches from her lips. It was almost too picturesque – the film, the person next to her, the score accompanying the moment in her head – which was why she wasn’t surprised when reality set in and the film cut out, the sound warping right before their lips touched. She pulled back to look around her as the lights of the theater went up, pulling her hand up to her lips to stifle a chuckle. As an usher rushed down to the front of the screen to apologize for the inconvenience, Jemma began to openly laugh at their luck. Fitz was also shaking his head, clearly cursing the universe after he was about to make his first move, but Jemma nudged him with her elbow.

“I think I have an idea,” she whispered in his ear.

And so they drove to the very place on screen – the luxury of living in LA – and found it empty for the night. The Griffith Observatory was always a place Jemma had neglected to visit even after moving to the city seven years ago, but now it seemed like the perfect opportunity to experience it.

They walked around slowly hand-in-hand, taking in the spellbinding sights – the various displays of the universe, the murals on the ceiling, the Tesla coil. When they reached the balcony looking out on the city, Jemma looked straight out into the night, the skies clear and beautiful as ever, as Fitz leaned against the side of the railing with his arms crossed over his chest. She sensed him staring, so she glanced over to find him doing just that.

“What are you thinking about?” he asked.

“I think it’s strange how we ran into each other when we did. And how it keeps happening.” Pushing herself off the railing, she walked slowly in his direction as she traced the end of her dress with her fingers.

“Yeah, it’s like the cosmos wanted us to meet or something,” he replied. “I bet it’s pretty thrilled we finally managed to get a date in even if it was interrupted.”

“I’m actually pleased it was. I wasn’t really paying much attention to the movie.”

He looked down for a moment, then met her eyes again with a wider smile. “Me either.”

After making their way back inside with Jemma twirling about as she relished in all the glorious beauty of the place, they found a room with old telescopes and stopped to have a look.

Jemma took a quick peek through one of the larger telescopes before inviting Fitz to have a turn. “I used to do this all the time,” she said. “When I was twelve, I had to have surgery to correct my scoliosis, so my dad would pull my bed outside so I could look at the stars at night.”

Pulling back from the scope, Fitz tilted his head in Jemma’s direction. “Back then, did you see yourself becoming one?”

She looked at him sideways before letting out a rather loud chuckle. “I’m not a _star_ , Fitz.”

“Well, I disagree, but…” She gave him a slight shove, which he returned by bumping her arm playfully. “Did you though?” he asked earnestly.

Jemma looked down at her feet, thinking intently about his question. “I don’t think I understood what dreaming actually was back then. I think I thought it meant hoping for this out of this world adventure or something like that. Now, I think it’s a lot simpler than that.”

“And what’s that?”

Looking up, she met his waiting eyes. “I think it’s about wanting something that feels like it’s yours – that you did something for yourself and no one else, and no matter what happens, no one can take that from you.”

In that moment, he was looking at her so intently that she had to peel her eyes away. It was almost too much for her to bear. No one had ever looked at her like that, and she had never shared these thoughts with anyone. Much to her dismay, she felt her eyes beginning to mist over.

She reached up her hand to hide her face. “Sorry.”

“No, it’s okay,” he replied softly as he stepped forward, his hand hovering over the small of her back.   

“Do you have dreams?” she asked, her voice rising in an attempt to hide her wavering voice.

“For today or beyond that?”

“Let’s go with beyond first.”

His smile quickly grew on his face. “Okay. Um…” Biting his bottom lip, he suddenly seemed unsure of himself. “I want to open my own club. I’ll hire some musicians, and they’ll play whatever they want. None of this ‘only play the set-list’ nonsense.”

“As long as it’s _jazz_.”

“As long as it’s jazz,” he agreed.

“And what are your dreams for today?”

Her question provoked an even wider smile to form on his face. Before answering her question, he reached his hand forward to move a piece of hair that had fallen in front of her eyes. “There’s this particular girl – an actress,” he said softly. “And I’m hoping she’ll humor me with a second date?”

His voice was barely a whisper at the end, and he almost sounded like a younger version of himself. He was the kindest man she’d ever met, but he was still so unsure of himself in front of her, like he couldn’t believe his luck. And yet, she felt like she was the lucky one.

“I think I’d like that,” she said, her lip curling up on the last word. “But I’m not much of an actress,” she corrected. “Last time I checked, I’m still just trying to be one. Casting directors _love_ me, apparently,” she added as she raised her eyebrows. 

He stayed quiet for a moment, but then he looked down to find her hand. “Then why don’t you write your own role? Whatever you want. You said you want something that’s just for you that no one can take from you.”

She nodded, feeling sure of herself for once after such a long time. “I think I might consider that. And I wish I had met you a long time ago. Maybe I would have found my way a lot sooner.”

“Me too.”

When neither of them spoke again and they continued to just take each other in, Jemma couldn’t take her eyes off his lips. Before long, she was invading his space, leaning in closer as he met her halfway, her hands resting on his shoulders as he encircled her in his arms. But this time, it wasn’t inside her head – a fantasy that would disappear in the blink of an eye. This time, she was kissing this man, and he was kissing her back, and a warmth was growing between them that made her heart race.

As they subtly deepened their kiss, a sincere and intoxicating one that seemed to go on for ages, Jemma began to feel weightless. Any nerves from the night rushed away as she embraced this next step in their story. Once they pulled apart, they couldn’t help the euphoric smiles that spread across their faces, knowing the other was feeling the exact same way, and together, they looked up at the ceiling at the mural above them. And then they were suddenly soaring – just the two of them in space slow dancing among the stars. They walked on clouds, waltzed through galaxies, twirled past constellations in a sea of light and color, the [music](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=evmy6ooFR9w) in their heads suddenly reaching a crescendo as Fitz lifted Jemma higher into the air. It was like a dream where everything was magical and full of wonder, just as it felt to fall in love for the first time.

And even after they touched back down, holding each other as they stood dizzy on their feet, the thrill never stopped.

 

 

Because dancing in the stars transformed into dancing on the pier. The pink purple LA skies were the backdrop of their blooming romance. They wondered if the city was playing a trick on them, that they would wake up and it would all be forgotten, but somehow it was real.

 

 

After the pier, they were dancing in clubs as they shared drinks and laughs. Jemma’s hair fluttered about and stuck to the back of her neck, but her feet never ceased to tap to the jazz music she grew to adore.

 

 

No longer were there parties in glass houses or conversations that seemed to be laced with agendas. Instead, it was just the two of them waltzing their way to the front of crowds, to see musicians up close, to hear music clear as day, to dance until they were dead on their feet.

 

 

There were nights where they stayed in, where he played her that same melody over and over with the lights low, a soft green glow filling the apartment they now shared. There were new melodies as well, [ones they wrote together](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GTWqwSNQCcg) – a rare gift they never anticipated. It was like they were transformed to another world - a world filled with music and love and the stars with no end in sight. It was the score that accompanied the beginning of their story, and she had no plans to ever let him stop playing.

 

 

There were days of sun and basking in the blue skies. She wore bright colors: yellow dresses and blue heels. The breeze often blew her hair left and right, which he never seemed to grow tired of moving it out of her face, stealing kisses and whispering in her ear.

 

 

There were days of darkness, where she worked late into the middle of the night writing her play. It was a one-woman show exploring how she left her life in Sheffield to pursue her dreams of becoming an actress. And on the night when she finally performed it in front of him with their bedroom acting as her stage, he told her it was genius.

 

 

And yet, there were also moments of heartbreak – when the callback never came, when she couldn’t even get her foot in the door, when her income was shrinking and she felt like her chances were running short.

 

 

There were moments of frustration – when he couldn’t play the melodies he wanted, when the restaurant tips were next to nothing, when no one seemed to care about the music that filled his soul.

 

 

But those moments also welcomed moments of support, when he reminded her that what she was doing mattered, that her play would be a triumph, and she should never let anyone try to take that away from her. And then she would remind him that it would take time before he could play the songs he wanted, but it should never stop him from writing or filling their days with the beautiful melodies that he brought to life.

 

 

And then there was a day when someone came along to offer up an opportunity of a lifetime. An old friend of his from university was looking for someone to join a band to play keys, and it paid. It paid _well_.

 

 

He didn’t want to take the job; he was too absorbed in the life they had built together and didn’t want to leave her behind. She was helping him plan for his club, and he was helping her with the finishing touches of her play. For once, they were sure of what they wanted, and they learned that they worked better together than apart. But now this new opportunity made them think of a new future - a future with a stable income, a future where they could comfortably take care of each other.

 

 

And then it was happening, this new direction of their lives, a montage of sorts of packing suitcases and scheduling visits.

 

 

Of photo shoots and interviews and tearful goodbyes.

 

 

Of promises to never let go of what they had because they couldn’t imagine it any other way.

 

 

On an annoyingly sunny morning, she wished him luck.

 

 

And then he was gone.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay! My classes started up again, so I was struggling to find time to finish writing. But rest assured, the fic is finished, so it will be completely posted within the next week. Thanks so much for sticking with me on this! <3

**iii. a touch**

 

They handled the distance pretty well in the beginning.

Jemma was usually the optimistic one, and it seemed that just hearing the other’s voice on the other end of the line was enough to get them through the separation. But she missed his warmth, his touch, and his smile – the smile that told her to keep going, to not let anyone take her for granted, to love herself most importantly.

But then nightly calls turned into missed calls in different time zones. And talking for hours turned into calls cut short, a string of _I miss you’s_ sounding more and more routine each time they fell off her tongue. They were supposed to be together, side by side, but now the word _together_ sounded too foreign a concept. Because he wasn’t there.

He missed her call. He missed her text.

And then he missed her play.

It was a conflict of scheduling. He got the dates mixed up for a photo shoot with a famous photographer: an event he couldn’t miss. His name was signed on the dotted line, so there was nothing he could do.

Only seven people showed up to her play – her old roommates and a few strangers, but not him.

The phone call that night was longer than usual, but it was filled with more silence than anything else – heavy sighs and choked words. He was the first to break, with Jemma quickly following after. It took everything in her to plead with him that they would fix this, that they would make this work. But she was tired, so she ended the call.  

For Jemma, their relationship was never a fantasy, even if sometimes it felt like they were soaring through space. But now those moments occurred less and less, and suddenly she couldn’t remember how she even learned to fly.

 

~

 

The fire alarm was just another catastrophe that added to the disaster of an evening. Jemma stared defiantly at her dinner plate and listened to the wailing alarm as Fitz took the burnt dessert out of the oven. He was trying; she gave him that. But when he got home from his tour with the band this time, there was a clear disconnect. It was like they were different people. He seemed to enjoy touring in the beginning, playing for a new city every night. But every time he came home to visit her, he slowly lost interest in his work, and he hated leaving her alone in their apartment. She thought maybe he would find himself on the road, but instead, he became more irritable during his visits, clearly not happy with his life choices.

Currently, he was only in town for a few days before he had to fly back out to meet the band, but Jemma could sense that something was coming – a conversation or decision, something that needed to be said. He made her dinner –  a full course meal – and yet something was still off.

The conversation was initially lighthearted, but it quickly turned sour once she mentioned needing money to pay back the theater for her show. The low turnout made it impossible to afford it on her own. She didn’t want to bring up the subject, as she was still recovering from that painful night, but it needed to be said. Without hesitation, he agreed to pay the fee, but that led to a slew of apologies she had already heard, and she really just wanted to move on from the matter.

She changed the subject to his music, hoping he would be more enthusiastic to talk of his time out of town, but that seemed like the last thing he wanted to discuss. They grew short with each other, eventually growing silent as the apartment suddenly felt too small for all the heightened emotion brewing between them. And then the heat of the moment transformed into an actual fire that burnt their carefully prepared dessert to a crisp.

After opening a window to let out the smoke, Fitz sunk down into his seat with a huff. “Well, that’s ruined.”

“It’s fine,” Jemma replied weakly. “I’m full anyway.”

They sat in silence for a few moments, Fitz fidgeting with his napkin while Jemma continued to stare into her lap. When she looked up for a brief moment, she saw him biting his lip, clearly trying to think of something to say. Once he met her eyes, he sighed and finally broke the deafening silence in the room.

“I know you’re still mad that I missed the play,” he muttered.

“I’m done talking about that, Fitz.”

Shaking his head, he leaned forward in his chair. “But you’re upset and I want to help you. Please, just… talk to me.”

He looked as if he wanted to reach across the table and take her hand, but Jemma kept her hands in her lap. Watching his waiting eyes, she tried desperately to think of something to say, something that wouldn’t cause her to break down. But skirting around the truth wasn’t an option anymore.   

Sighing deeply, she straightened up in her chair and looked him square in the eye. “I feel like... I feel like I don’t recognize us anymore. And that it’s my fault.”

His eyes narrowed in confusion. “How is this your fault? I’m the one who’s gone. If anything, this is on me.”

“But I was the one that encouraged you to go in the first place! You didn’t want to, did you?”

“Jemma,” he uttered softly.

“You can say it,” she pleaded. No longer able to meet his eyes, she looked back down at her plate. “I know it’s true. When Trip offered you the gig, you nearly turned it down on the spot. But then I said you should at least think about it, and then you were gone. And I thought it was a good idea for you to get out of your comfort zone, to finally play with a band, but clearly you don’t want to be on a tour bus for the rest of your life. You’re bloody miserable!”

“Okay, fine!”

The sheer volume of his voice startled her enough to force her eyes back to his, and it took everything within her not to break down then and there. She wanted him to admit it, but finally hearing him say it out loud was much more painful than she expected.

“It’s not what I want,” he said in a more hushed tone. “We both know that. But this is _not_ on you.”

When Jemma swallowed the lump forming in her throat, he got up to move his chair next to hers and took her hands in his, pulling them into his lap.

“I made a choice because I want to fight for this, for us. And I want this, Jemma. All of this. A life here with you where you get to perform on stage or on screen, whatever you want. And you’re right. I don’t want to tour forever. I want to be here and… and start a family with you.”

Her breath caught in her throat at his last sentence.

“I was nervous, alright?” he continued, his eyes now on their intertwined hands. “I was nervous about the club not working out, and I didn’t know if we would even be able to make rent on the apartment, so I took it. I signed the contract and I left. And it’s not that I didn’t believe that you could provide for us, but I was afraid _I_ wouldn’t be able to, so I took the job.”

It was the first time he’d mentioned it – the prospect of something beyond the two of them. She didn’t like to consider the idea because she didn’t want to get her hopes up for a life they couldn’t have. But now he was saying this was what he wanted all along. It was what she wanted more than anything, more than landing any roles or making it big. But the prospect of raising a family without a stable form of income was frightening. And she knew he was only trying to be responsible.

Her thoughts began to spiral as she replayed his words in her head.

After a deep sigh, he lowered his head to find her eyes. “We need to be able to take care of each other – properly. It kills me every time I have to go because I hate leaving you here alone.”

Looking up at him finally, she shrugged. “Maybe I should just come with—”

“I could never ask you to do that,” he said urgently as he shook his head. “It would be selfish to ask you to drop everything here. But…” He paused for a moment to squeeze her hand. “This isn’t just about me taking the job, is it?”

“I don’t know,” she barely whispered.    

“None of this is your fault. You have to believe that. Really, it’s no one’s fault – it’s just the situation that we’re in right now, and it sucks. But you said you wanted to fight for this, to make this work. Tell me how I can help you, _please_. Tell me how we can fix this.”

Biting her lip, she looked down for a moment to conjure a response. After letting out a steadying breath, she raised her head, defeat behind her eyes.

“I don’t know how to fix this. And I don’t know what I’m supposed to do, Fitz. When you were here, everything made sense – quitting my job on the studio lot, focusing on my play. But then no one showed up, and I wound up back to square one. And now…” She swallowed another lump now forming in her throat. “And now it seems like I don’t know who I am anymore or why I’m still doing this.”

“You’re going to get something, okay? There’s something out there for you.”

“You don’t know that,” she said weakly, shaking her head.

“Yes, I do. If there was something out there for me – a stubborn musician – it’s going to work out for you. We’ll figure something out. But you just… you can’t give up hope, okay?”

“That’s the thing though. I don’t know if there’s any hope left inside of me.” Wiping her fingers across her cheeks, she pulled herself up from her chair. “I’m gonna … I’m gonna go.”

Fitz’s face contorted as he rose with her and hovered a hand over her shoulder. “What? Why?”

“I just want a little space.” When his eyes widened, she lifted her hands. “Not _that_ kind of space. I don’t mean… just for tonight, okay? Please. I’ll be back in the morning.”

The silence hung in the air as he processed her words. The last thing she wanted was for him to think it was over between them, but she couldn’t think straight with so much tension in the air.

He slowly nodded his head, which she knew must have been the hardest thing for him to do – to let her go. “Okay.”

Silently, he helped her pack a few things into an overnight bag. And knowing it would simply cause her more pain, she didn’t look back to see his expression when she closed the door behind her.

She never thought she would need to return to her old apartment, now occupied by a fourth roommate she didn’t know. They let her take the couch for the night with no questions asked. But only an hour passed before Jemma heard the familiar blaring of a car horn outside the window, signaling the arrival of her boyfriend. It was an old joke between them; Fitz was always impatient in the never-ending LA traffic and was generous in using his horn on the road. So, it eventually became his way of greeting her when he picked her up for a day out together. And now – even at nearly one in the morning – he kept to his old ways.

One of the girls walked into the living room, pinching the bridge of her nose. “Is he still doing that?”

“Apparently,” Jemma replied, giving her friend an apologetic glance. Shuffling through her things to find her jumper, she pulled it over her head and quickly made it out the door and across the street to find Fitz waiting rather impatiently against his vintage convertible. “Fitz, what on earth—”

“A casting director called.”

“What?”

“I didn’t see the message until after you left. I’m sorry, but I didn’t want you to be upset if I didn’t tell you, so that’s why I’m here.”

“Okay—”

“She saw your play, and she wants you to audition for this big movie tomorrow morning.”

His words came out a mile a minute, and Jemma barely had time to process them before the weight of everything nearly made her heart stop, leaving her stunned on her feet. She opened her mouth but couldn’t form any coherent words, so she brought her hand up to cover her mouth as Fitz eagerly waited for her to respond.

“Oh,” she finally managed after a few moments.

“I know,” he said softly. “It sounds crazy, but it’s real. Jemma, this is it.”

His enthusiasm was nearly infectious, but not enough to truly lift her spirits. Closing her eyes, she thought back to the audience at her play. It was a small crowd, if one could even call it that, but she did remember a few unfamiliar faces near the center of the theater. At the time, she thought them merely eager theatre goers stopping by to see the intimate show, but she never imagined them as casting directors scouting for talent. Even so, she couldn’t imagine getting her hopes up again and risk the crushing blow of disappointment. She’d had enough.

When she opened her eyes, he looked so hopeful, but she forced herself to shake her head. “Fitz, I… I can’t go to that.”

“What?”

“I’m not going to that audition.”

“Why not?” he asked urgently.

“What? It’s strange that I don’t want to make a fool of myself again? I’m tired Fitz, and—and I don’t know if I want to do it anymore.”

He stood silently for a moment, clearly stunned by her response to his news. “I thought this was what you wanted.”

“It _is_ , but…” She raked her hands through her hair as she searched for the proper words. “You don’t know what it’s like to be in those rooms and how they can make you feel like nothing. You go in there, and you’re confident, but then they take a phone call in the middle of your scene, or they cut you off after one line. And suddenly, you feel like you’re nothing to them. You’re just another girl that’s crossed off a list. And then you do it all over again. Again and again until you feel like there’s nothing left of you to give.” She shook her head as her eyes began to well up. “I’ve been doing this, whatever you consider this to be, for six years. And I’ve tried to make it work. I’ve tried to stay positive and never lose hope. But maybe I’m not good enough. Maybe some people are just not meant to be here, you know? It’s not for everyone, and maybe it’s not for me.”

“That’s not true, Jemma. You don’t even know how talented you are.”

“Fitz, I…” Her voice broke on her last word, but it didn’t matter because she honestly couldn’t think of anything else to say. When fresh tears started to fall down her cheeks, Fitz reached forward.

“Hey, hey. Wait, wait, wait…” Pulling her so she could lean against his car, his hands placed gently on her shoulders. As he began to move his hands in comforting strokes up and down her arms, he leaned forward to press his forehead against hers. “You always told me to follow my gut and to not worry about what other people thought. This is someone saying they want to meet you because they believe in you – the real you.”

“I know.”

“I don’t want to watch you throw away an opportunity because you’re scared it won’t work out again. You’re the bravest and strongest person I know. Those other girls, the ones that go to the parties and are willing to change themselves simply to get a role, they’re not like you. You’re authentic and honest and true.”

Jemma closed her eyes, willing herself to listen to his words, wanting to believe them.

“Your play? That was one hundred percent you. It wasn’t some pretentious writer’s words you were saying – those words were yours. And this casting director witnessed that. She saw the real you, not a version of yourself that you play up in auditions or a character.” His voice grew softer as he continued. “It’s your choice, of course. I know you’re hurting, and I don’t want to add to that. That’s the last thing I want. And if you’re done, that’s fine, I just… I don’t want you to give up on something if you still want to fight for it.”

All she could do was nod, his words hitting her harder than she had anticipated A rush of a million new emotions radiated through her.

“I’ll be here in the morning when you decide. I’ll go with you.” Finally letting go of her shoulders, he placed a hand along her cheek before pressing his lips to her forehead. “Go get some sleep,” he murmured against her skin.  

She didn’t go back inside until she saw his car disappear at the end of the street. Sleep wouldn’t come easily.

That morning, he was there just as he said. She was a nervous wreck, but Fitz was right. This woman wanted to meet her, and even if it didn’t work out, she would figure something else out afterwards. Find a new path. But if it did work out…

When they arrived at the casting office, the small waiting area was different from the usual casting sessions. Instead of a sea of women with similar looks going over lines and primping down the hallway, it was a quiet office area with just an assistant instructing Jemma to wait until she was called in.

“You’re gonna be great,” Fitz whispered next to her on the small sofa.  

Jemma kept her eyes on her lap. “I don’t even know what they want me to do.”

“She said not to worry about it. They just want to meet you. I think that’s a good sign.”

She looked at him sideways and smiled weakly. “We’ll see.”

A few seconds later, the assistant opened the door to the office across from them and looked down at her clipboard.

“Jemma Simmons? They’re ready for you.”

Nodding her head slowly, Jemma pushed herself up from her sofa, but stopped when she felt Fitz touch her hand lightly. She turned her head and found him looking up at her with beaming eyes.

“Don’t do this for anyone but yourself, okay?” he whispered.

Letting out a slow breath, she took his hand in hers and squeezed it gently, giving him a single nod.

She walked into the small office and was greeted kindly by the casting directors. After being told about the project – a film shot in Paris with a part written around the actress – they asked her to simply tell them a story.

Compared to her other auditions, this was something else entirely. The casting directors weren’t on their phones. They weren’t staring at her resume or comparing her headshot to the other girls up for the role. Instead, they were looking at her and waiting to see what she had to offer. They told her it didn’t matter what story she told them. They simply wanted to hear her tell a story that meant something to her.

Of course, it wasn’t hard to choose which story to tell. It began when she was twelve when she first learned what it meant to live for herself. When her aunt – also an actress –  came to visit that summer, she told Jemma stories about living abroad in Paris, and how freely she lived. Her aunt didn’t live a long life, but she did teach Jemma to always keep her eyes open because sometimes the best things in life were right in front of you.  

And as she told her story, the small room somehow transformed into a stage. The room went dark, save for a single spotlight, and Jemma could no longer see the casting directors in front of her. It was as if the world washed away and it was only her and this story that mattered. A gentle [piano melody](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SXsqYs1l_IY) seemed to cradle her words, and she felt like she was performing in her one woman show once again but this time without fear of being judged. Suddenly, she didn’t feel like she was auditioning for the role of a lifetime. Instead, she felt like she was presenting herself – her true self – to the world without fear. And even if no one listened, it was okay because at least she was given the opportunity to tell it.

Her story then moved on to finding her other half, the endless moments of joy and wonder they shared together, and how he inspired her to continue living as her aunt taught her so long ago.

 

 

 

She told the story of them kissing and the feeling of walking on clouds.

 

 

 

Of laughter and dancing across town.

 

 

 

Of missed calls and missed opportunities.

 

 

 

Of bad days and good nights.

 

 

 

Of giving and taking.

 

 

 

Of reaching for great heights and holding onto each other.

 

 

 

Of not letting the stars decide where their story would go.

 

 

 

And of how sometimes they felt like fools for having such big dreams.

 

 

 

It was heartbreaking, and it was messy, but despite this, Jemma knew deep down she would do it again.

 

 

 

~

 

 

 

“When do you find out?”

“In a couple of days. Not that I’m going to find out—”

“You are. You’re going to get this. And when you do, you’re going to give it everything you’ve got, okay?”

The gentle breeze lifted the ends of Jemma’s hair from her shoulders, and as she looked out at the view in front of her – the Griffith Observatory just below them – she began to think it might actually work out this time. She had never felt so sure of herself than in that moment when she finished telling her story, and the casting directors seemed to take in every word with wonder. But she still was in a state of limbo – as she didn’t truly know where her career or their relationship would go from there. Knowing that keeping those worries inside her head was helping no one, she shifted on the bench until they were hip-to-hip and took his hand in hers.

“What about us?” she asked quietly.

“What about us?” he replied but nodded in understanding.

“I don’t want to mess this up. Fitz, I don’t want to live a life without you in it. I can’t even picture it, really. But we can’t keep this up the way we are now. We’ll fall apart if we keep going this way.”

He closed his eyes and nodded. “I know.” After letting out a slow breath, he turned to face her fully. “I’m gonna talk to Trip, see if we can figure something out. Even if I have to play until my contract runs out, I’ll come home. I promise.”

“But only if that’s what you want. If you want to keep touring, then you should—”

“It’s what I want, Jemma,” he broke in, sounding as sure as ever.  

“And then what?”

“And then…I’ll get to work on my club. What we have so far, it’s great, and I owe you for that. I can start looking at locations, maybe even recruit some of the guys from the Lighthouse Cafe.”

The idea made her smile – seeing the very musicians that introduced her to jazz music in the first place playing in Fitz’s own club. It seemed like a dream, but knowing him, he would find a way to make it a reality.

“You’ll save a spot for me, right?” she asked, a soft smile widening on her face.

He nodded. “Right in the front with a clear view of the piano. I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

Jemma curled her hand around the back of his neck. “I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you.”

“That’s not true,” he mumbled, slumping his shoulders.

“No, it is!” she insisted, bumping his elbow lightly. “I don’t know what’s going to happen in the next few days, but… at least I tried. And I know that even if this doesn’t turn into anything, I still tried. And that’s what matters.”

“You’re right.”

A moment passed, and Jemma found herself curled into his side, her cheek resting against his chest as she listened to the steady rhythm of his heart. “What are you thinking about?” she asked.

“How I’m always gonna love you.”

The weight of his words brought a flush to her cheeks. Lifting her head, she found his eyes. “I’m always gonna love you, too.”

Wrapping her arms around his middle, Jemma sighed heavily against his neck. She didn’t know what was to come – if she’d be in Paris or elsewhere. But she knew that it would work out, one way or another. He sparked that hope within her. So now, she just had to wait and see.


	4. Chapter 4

**iv. a dance**

 

 

The small bench wasn’t the only thing that hadn’t changed since the last time they were on the top of the hill. When they first walked up this hill late on a Friday night years ago, nearly strangers but with the thrilling feeling of maybe something more, Jemma never anticipated where their relationship would go.

Jemma sat impatiently glancing every few moments to see if he’d arrived, and a small sliver of fear in her gut told her he wouldn’t show up. But that fear quickly washed away because there he was, strolling up the hill as if it were something he did every day.

Jemma let out a heavy sigh as a wide smile filled her face. “You kept your promise.”

“Of course, I did. It wasn’t like I had a choice as you kept reminding me every day for the last month.”

“I know. I just didn’t want you to forget.”

Fitz stopped then directly in front of her and shook his head. “Jemma, I would never forget.”

Smiling sheepishly, she curled her hair behind her ear and looked down at her feet.

“I’m still not used to it,” he muttered while stepping towards her, his shoes clicking on the concrete. These shoes didn’t have the old familiar scuffs; instead, they shined brightly against the sun, just as his smile radiated up to his eyes.

Jemma grinned cheerfully. “What? And you think I am?”

He chuckled softly before pulling her up from the bench and wrapping his hands around her waist.

It was an odd thing to think of him going to the same movie theater from their first date and seeing her on screen rather than any other actress. She was about to go into pre-production on her third film – a drama shot in Los Angeles. After talking with the casting director from her audition and taking a role in a different project, she spent the last six months shooting in New York, and then another three in Vancouver for another part. With her non-stop work schedule, she was happy to be back on familiar ground.

And it was strange to see him in person after so long. Yes, they video chatted nearly every day, and he came to visit her when he could, but there was nothing like seeing him in the flesh when neither of them had anywhere to be other than with each other.

Jemma dropped her chin. “I still look like me, right? I mean, I think I do.”

“I think you’re beautiful. Same dress and heels, I see.”

Of course, he remembered – the yellow dress and blue heels she wore when they finally agreed to give a relationship a shot. Even if her hair was lighter, her walk more confident, she still felt like herself – even more so, if that were possible.

“So, what now?” he asked, his eyebrow raised as he pulled on her hand to guide her back down the hill.

“Now? I believe I have a date tonight with a particular club owner.”

“Oh, that’s right. But you might have to get there early. I hear it gets pretty packed on a Friday night. Someone might take your spot.”

“Ha!” she exclaimed, swinging his hand back and forth. “Well, they’ll have to go through me if they think they can steal the best seat in the house.”

“Right by the piano?”

“Ex _actly_.”

Letting go of her hand, he placed his arm across her shoulders and pulled her in close to his side. “I’ll save it for you just in case. I’ve got something special planned, anyway.”

 

 

~

 

 

That night, she let him leave early so he could get the club running before she arrived. And when she did, wearing a sleek black dress she’d saved just for the occasion, she found the club a sight to behold.

The small club he had taken her to so long ago to share his love of jazz music was now transformed into a spectacle of light and color. The club’s name –  _FitzSimmons_ – glowed around every corner in neon blue lights. Countless couples shared drinks and smiles as they watched the band play endless jazz melodies, the place nearly bursting with energy. Somehow, he had transformed it to become even more inviting with a touch of charm only he could provide. No other club in LA stood a chance.

Jemma took her time taking in everything around her, recognizing small details that used to be mere wishes scribbled haphazardly on napkins in their old apartment. Now, the flashing music notes above the bar, the glowing blue light on every surface, everything was in its rightful place – just as they had imagined it.

She couldn’t find Fitz at first glance, but without fail, she found a reserved sign placed at a small round table with a single seat directly at the center of the crowd, her name hand-written in fancy script. She picked up the small card and flipped it over, finding a short message.

_The best seat in the house for the best actress in town._

Jemma chuckled quietly while taking her seat just as a server came out of nowhere to serve her a drink. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see a few people looking her way, clearly aware of her presence. Her face was now recognizable by anyone who frequented the movie theater. She couldn’t go to many places in public anymore without being spotted by fans or paparazzi, but she didn’t mind being spotted here. Because this was their spot, and she would be here every night if that were possible.

Finally, as the band brought their current song to a close, Fitz appeared from backstage – happy as ever. When he found Jemma in her seat, he mouthed a hello as his smile widened. After introducing the members of the band and thanking the crowd for their attendance that evening, she could sense a nervous energy brewing within him as he took his seat at the piano, the band members clearing the stage. The club went quiet, and Jemma was suddenly aware of her racing heart as she anticipated hearing him play for the first time in months.

He didn’t meet her eyes, but from the half smile creeping on his face, she knew exactly what he would play. And then that [seven note melody](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HSg3tBzAVFk) began to fill the space just as it did so long again in a different club. But this time, he was playing it just for her.

She knew the piece by heart – the rise and fall of each measure – each note sending a thrill down her spine. As she watched his fingers dance effortlessly across the keys, she let her mind wander. The music seeped its way into her thoughts and conjured up memories of so long ago.

 

 

 

The astonishment of hearing him play for the first time.

 

 

 

The mystery of what it would have been like to kiss him that very night.

 

 

 

The thrill of finding one another again by chance.

 

 

 

The universe urging their story to begin.

 

 

 

The weightless feeling of dancing in the clouds and kissing for the first time.

 

 

 

The joy of learning to truly listen to the music that filled their lives.

 

 

 

The pain of falling apart and struggling to put their pieces back together.

 

 

 

The love that swelled within her when her encouraged her to give her dream a shot one last time.

 

 

 

The bliss of watching him stroll up that hill.

 

 

 

And then for a moment, she thought about how things could have been different – if he had stayed on tour, if she had not gone to that audition. It flashed through her mind like a supercut of scenes that could have been: different jobs, different dreams, different outcomes.

 

 

 

In one scene, he makes it to her play. The audience is packed full, and when the house lights go up at the end of her performance, the applause is thundering. She can barely believe her eyes.

 

 

 

In another scene, they’re in Paris walking the streets at night with the glow of the romantic city filling their eyes with wonder.

 

 

 

In this scene, she is living her dream – her original dream. The part in the film is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, and she is thrilled to have him by her side.

 

 

 

But also in this scene, that is all he gets to be – by her side while she dances through her playground of a job. He is happy, but he doesn’t get to play as much. His jazz club is a lost memory.

 

 

 

In another scene, they’re on tour together. She watches him every night from the side of the stage in awe as he soaks in the crowd’s energy. It’s not the music he dreamt of playing for the rest of his life, but they grow to love it as they grow in love.

 

 

 

In the same scene, they live in hotel rooms, a never-ending cycle of packing suitcases and experiencing new places for only a few spare moments.  It’s a whirlwind of days going by too quickly and moments pass in the blink of an eye.

 

 

 

But in this scene, she doesn’t admit that she misses the stage and dreams of the screen.

 

 

 

Once these scenes wash away, they transform into a montage of moments that may come – of dreams still left to pursue.

 

 

 

In one moment, she’s on-screen once again, but this time, it’s his music that fills the theater with wonder. His melodies cascade down the rows and rows of filled seats as the audience takes in the magic of music and the cinema.

 

 

 

In another moment, they’re in a new home – a family home where he sits at the piano and plays scales as their two-year-old son looks on in awe. His small hands barely stretch over two keys, and he gasps in surprise when he plays a note all by himself.

 

 

 

In another moment, they watch their daughter put on plays in their backyard on the small stage. He built it for her the moment she decided she wanted to be a star just like her mother, and the show is a story they all wrote together – of dreaming big and staying true to herself.

 

 

 

And in another moment, it’s just the two of them. Their children have grown up and moved on. They lay together in their bedroom as the morning comes and goes, most of their worries now long forgotten. The lines on their faces tell stories of the years they spent in a whirlwind of opportunities and dreams fulfilled. But now they are content to let others dream as they let time take the lead.

 

 

 

At the sound of the final note of his song – a soft gentle one barely audible – Jemma returned to herself to find the rest of the audience sitting on the edges of their seats, just as captivated as she. When Fitz moved his hand into his lap, the club ignited into thunderous applause. He waved them off with his hand, but then turned to find her eyes in the crowd.

The look on his face was one Jemma had never seen before. Sure, she’d seen him happy – giddy, even. But this was something else. The soft blue eyes that found hers for the first time in a different club, capturing her completely, were now filled with something beyond joy. And as his smile widened beyond belief, she knew he was seeing something similar behind her own eyes.

As the band returned to the stage and brought the crowd to their feet with the start of an upbeat number, Fitz stepped down the short set of stairs, his eyes never leaving Jemma’s. Springing from her chair, she met him halfway, pushing past a few guests in the crowd and flinging her arms around his neck. Despite the fast tempo of the melody and the roar of the crowd, everything seemed to melt away as they took each other in. Wrapping themselves in each other’s warmth, all they could do was slowly sway, too overcome by the relief of finally being together once again and the comfort of knowing there was so much more of their story to come.

For Jemma, there would always be fantasies – dreams to pursue and countless what if’s. But how she felt in her fantasies was nothing compared to what she felt right now – the joy of standing next to the person she couldn’t see herself without, her partner and best friend. They were two people who dreamt of a life barely reachable. The club was magnificent, her acting roles were life-changing, but _this_.

This is what she lived for.

Moments like this were far from perfect. But those moments – in all of their complexities and imperfections – belonged only to the two of them.

And that was enough to send them soaring. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! If you have any thoughts, questions, prompts, or fic ideas, I'm always on tumblr at [whatlighttasteslike](http://whatlighttasteslike.tumblr.com), so hit up my ask box! <3

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for beginning this ride with me! You can also find me on tumblr at [whatlighttasteslike](http://whatlighttasteslike.tumblr.com)!


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